Microaggressions
How do I introduce a topic like microaggressions? Maybe we start with the overused dictionary definition cliche. Imagine a pregnant pause while I adjust the microphone. Webster’s dictionary defines microaggression as a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group. Okay, so there’s the definition, but now what? Let’s talk about what you need to know about microaggressions.
Intent does not negate impact. Microaggressions can be written off as non-intentional or misinterpreted (see gaslighting). But it’s important to remember that intent does not negate impact. You may not have intended for the spell you stole from Strega Nona to fill the entire town with spaghetti, but it did. Damage was done and you have to swallow (pun intended) the consequences. If you end up making the mistake of committing a microaggression, remember that explanation of intent is not an apology or valid excuse. Intent is only to be used as light seasoning to flavor a true apology. You may not have intentionally “microaggressed,” but you can intentionally do better.
The effects are cumulative. The nomenclature may create an image that microaggressions are dinky insignificant infractions. But while a microaggression in and of itself may be small, microaggressions come in swarms. The effects are cumulative. The damage is done bit by bit, day by day. You know, Andy Dufresne was able to dig a hole through his cell wall with just a tiny rock hammer... What damage can be done to someone’s psyche, when it’s being slowly chipped at bit by bit? Water and air easily slips through your fingers, but flowing water and wind carve out mountains.
They are often left unresolved. Microaggressions can leave you questioning, “what just happened?” or “what do I do now?” While I would never wish a downright offensive act on anyone. The silver lining with a more overt offense is that it’s easily defined, more likely to result in disciplinary action, and more likely to engage community outrage. There can be something cathartic about being able to name an action, see a consequence, and have majority support from others. Microaggressions can leave you feeling stagnant and unresolved. Like when a melody is left unresolved at the last note. Or like when in the season finale, all the characters are cryogenically frozen in a meat locker at prom. And then the show is promptly cancelled. If you’re feeling this way, perhaps you can reach out to your support system and find some solace from knowing you are not alone.
You can choose how to respond. If you are on the receiving end of a microaggression, how you respond is your choice. Whether you choose to ignore the offense, tell a supervisor, or rip the offender a new one with a glorious clapback, it’s your prerogative. You were put in a s*** situation, don’t give yourself a harder time by putting additional expectations on yourself. You don’t have to put an end to microaggressions forever with the perfect response, you only have to take care of yourself the best way you know how. Just do what is right for you.
Examples and translations. If you’re still unsure of what microaggressions are, see below for a few examples and their implications.
“Honey, are you lost? This is a construction site.” “I’m sorry, we actually have this room reserved for the Blah Blah meeting.” From looking at you, I assume you do not belong here. I’d like to “shoo” you right out of the door, but I’ll settle with a vaguely polite comment that’s dripping with condescension.
“You’re so articulate!” “You speak so well!” I immediately assumed that you would speak in a way that I deem incorrect (although I have literally no authority or education in the field of linguistics). I’m surprised that you actually meet my dumb-a** standards.
“Whoa! Don’t break a nail!” “I’m proud of you for getting dirty.” I don’t know your background or experience, but for whatever f***ed up reason I don’t think you can handle it in the field. I’ll say something that undermines your ability in the form of an unfunny joke or a patronizing compliment.
“I’d rather speak with the engineer.” “Let me speak with your boss.” Even though you state that you can help me, you do not look or sound worthy of talking to. It does not occur to me that you might be the engineer or the boss. I’d rather use a middleman that fits with my dumb-a** worldview than speak directly with the person who could actually help me.
“How long have you been working?” “When did you graduate?” “Where did you go to school?” “How old are you?” I’m trying to find a way to invalidate you. If you’re too young, too inexperienced, or didn’t get an education up to my own dumb-a** standards, then I can feel superior to you and undermine your authority.
“No need to get emotional...” “Don’t be so sensitive” I’m too much of a wuss to be challenged. Therefore when you have any sort of negative response, I will discredit you for being emotional or sensitive instead of addressing my f***ed up actions. Doesn’t matter if I am actually the one being emotional or sensitive.