Be a Quitter!
My favorite piece of advice to give is: Be a quitter! I run across a lot of super-driven people who don’t know when to quit something that f***ing sucks. There’s also the tentative person who’s afraid to take a chance on a new opportunity. But why be so tentative when you can just quit if it doesn’t work out. Today we talk about how quitting can be great advice to give.
Let’s set up the scene. I’m happily going about my day and I run into you. If we’re being blunt, you’re looking a little worse for the wear, so I ask you, “What’s good? How are you doing?” You go on about all the projects you’re working on for a s*** boss, the gajillion extra curricular activities you’ve got going on, how you’re studying to get your PhD, and your burgeoning side hustles. You tell me about how exhausted you are and how you don’t have time to explore your passions or even to spend time with your friends and family. And then I’m like, “That sounds rough, maybe you should quit one or all those things. I love quitting, it’s the best.” I found that this usually goes one of three ways:
You find out your “why.” You respond to me with, “I can’t quit because…” This is the reason why it’s all going to be worth it. This can become your new drive to push through the pain points to ultimately achieve your goal. So maybe you have to study for your PE and it totally blows - but if you push through you’ll get the respect, cash, or responsibility you’re aiming for. It might even fit into your bigger goal of ultimately owning your own firm. Whatever your “why” ends up being, just make sure that YOU think it’s worth it (not your momma, not society, YOU). For a slight variation of this point, you may actually end up shifting your focus. So maybe you’re stuck out on site as a resident engineer in the middle of nowhere. Your “why” is because it’s a good learning opportunity and will help you advance in your career. So you decide to quit feeling sorry for yourself that “downtown” consists of a single gas station, and you shift your focus. Now you’re not focused just on making it through to the end, but making the most of this learning/growth opportunity. Ask the contractor to get coffee on the weekend to pick their brain and get advice from someone with more experience than you. Take on more responsibility and spend a few hours before bed learning a new skill. There are a million things ways you can reset your goals in bumblef*** or wherever you are right now.
You end up quitting something that’s a negative force in your life. If you don’t have a strong driving “why,” that might mean that this stupid thing you’re draining your energy on isn’t serving you in any way. It’s not making you happy and it’s not f***ing worth it. Not wanting to be labeled a “quitter” or being “too legit” are frankly not good enough reasons to keep doing something. We should all vow to focus more on our own happiness than following through on something that’s really not all that important in the grand scheme of things. Say it with me, “I am a quitter! And I am proud!” There’s no room for shame here because we’re too busy living our best lives. And ultimately, if we decide to change our minds and quit on quitting. That’s chill too. There’s always room to pick yourself up and try again. Your life is your own; be the reason you’re happy.
You get offended and leave me alone. So there are a handful of people who get their jollies off from complaining and didn’t even really want to hear this advice. If this is you, you will probably get offended by my bluntness and huff off in a tizzy. And you know what? Good riddance! I have no room in my life for people who weigh me down with their constant negativity anyway.
As with all things, there are exceptions to the quitting advice.
It’s life and death. It probably doesn’t need to be said, but I’ll say it. When someone is trying to accomplish something that’s ultimately a matter of life and death - I’m not out there suggesting they quit.
They are wayyy too deep in the hole. When someone has invested too much time, too much money, and/or is way too close to the end goal, I have to restrain myself from blurting out my quitting advice. At this point, adding a seed of doubt and telling them to quit may be more cruel than helpful. Here I just try to be supportive. And if they end up deciding to quit on their own, I can be the first one to reassure them, help them dust off, and support them in whatever they end up trying next.